She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
