i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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