This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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