I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
