Screwed.edu
birth control should be required to get into college
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize