I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
