all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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