Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
and you fell through a lawn chair
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
