So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
