would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize