im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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