there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
