Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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