the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
