We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
