it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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