Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
