I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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