Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
