im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
