I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
