Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
