Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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