My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
