Only a mothe r could love this liver
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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