actually, I'm a sock model
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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