this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
