1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
In the future we'll all be gay
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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