return my video game
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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