taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
