I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
