I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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