Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
