It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
