were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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