as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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