Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
