so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
