goodnight i made you a song goodbye
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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