The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
