Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
