wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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