it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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