found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
