Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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