Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
