Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
