When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
