I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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