God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it's like iHOP with fire
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize