We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
