i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
