btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize