i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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