Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize