We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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