I will die if light touches me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
