god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
