tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
