good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh god it's open bar.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
