help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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