Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
