he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
