i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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