It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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