So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
