you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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