I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
