it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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