We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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