So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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