Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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