woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
